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[Fanfic] Dong Bang Shin Ki

Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing: Yunjae [Yunho x Jaejoong]
Title: Maybe
Summary: Jaejoong enlists and gets a call the day after the tabloids say so.
Warning: Angsty Romance grr! Post-split, so this is canon.
Rating: PG-13 (to be safe)
Disclaimer: I don't own
A/N: I always thought that Yunho would enlist before all of them, and then I remember Jaejoong is older by, what, a few days?
Their love is a kind of bittersweet love, the kind you know won’t ever be able to last because of others in the way. But that’s sort of the beauty of Yunjae, isn’t it?
In this case, it’s the army. Oh well.
Happy Valentines!
Author: TSUKEMATSUKERU

“Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years,
I’ll love you for a thousand more.”


~ o ~



Jaejoong knows when it’s Yunho calling. He doesn't need to see a caller id, or hear a ringtone, he only needs to know the time of day, and whether or not its raining outside. Yunho calls only when a pitter-patter echoes in the empty marble hallways of Jaejoong’s apartment, and maybe right after dusk (if not, it’s during the deadly hours of the night). Yunho doesn’t have much time for things that aren’t work, and if Jaejoong’s lucky enough, Yunho just might save a moment for the two of them.

It’s only once in a blue moon, but it happens.




“Hello?” Jaejoong’s voice is shaky, and he isn’t going to lie because he’s nervous, he is whenever the mention of Yunho’s name rings in his ears, even after ten years. It’s just something that happens to him, and he doesn’t really know why. He would wonder about it before, about why Yunho was soft like cotton-candy clouds and could make him feel like flying, but those thoughts had been forgotten a long time ago. Jaejoong now accepts the reason as being ‘you just do’.

“I heard you’ve enlisted.” A husky, overworked voice replies after a moment of simple breaths exchanged through the receiver. Jaejoong smiles weakly.

“Yeah,” he says simply, and waits. They do a lot of waiting while on the phone, listening to each other breathe, the silence telling them stories only they understand. There is a distant cough at the end of the line, and Jaejoong hears the rustling of clothes and quick footsteps moving to a more modest location.

“… Good luck.” Yunho’s voice comes slow, quiet, as if he is always hiding, and Jaejoong knows he is. Hiding a secret, hiding their secret, hiding them, together but only almost.

“Thank you, Yunho-yah.” Jaejoong says, and the name is like sugar on his tongue. A soft chuckle replies, and Yunho inhales deeply.

“Take care of yourself, don’t do anything stupid.” And don’t lose yourself, or I lose you too, is what Yunho wants to say. But he doesn’t, of course he doesn’t, because although he doesn’t want to admit it, he knows that Jaejoong isn’t his anymore, and the corners of his lips turn downwards slightly.

“I know, I know. You do the same, all right? Do it for me, and I’ll do it for the country.” Jaejoong can’t help but smile. With Yunho, it’s never rainbows and butterflies, but he likes to pretend it is. He doesn’t like pretending, hiding, but he does. All for Yunho’s sake, because for Jaejoong, most of it has always been for Yunho.




“Changmin’s gotten suspicious,” Yunho says sadly, and he feels a pang of heartache because he knows why. He tries not to remember Changmin’s disappointment when he first found Yunho speaking to Jaejoong over the phone. I love you, hyung, he said, but I can’t let you help take everything away from us. You know you will, too, because you can’t help it, all you’re the stupidest person on Earth when you’re in love. Yunho was hurt at the words, but it wasn’t because it was Changmin telling him, it was because he knew it was the truth. And all he did was smile, and say, I know.

“I won’t be speaking to you for awhile, then.” Jaejoong tries to forget that ‘awhile’ actually means years, and smiles.

“I’ll miss you,” he breathes into the receiver. There is a long pause at the other end, and a deep breath.

“You know I will. I love you, Jaejoong. I always will.”

There is a pang in Jaejoong’s heart which stings so much, like someone has driven a needle into his heart and refuses to take it out. The needle has always been Yunho, all somebody needed to do to make Jaejoong feel him was drive the needle deeper.

It seemed nowadays, Yunho was the only one who could.

“How will I survive,” Jaejoong suddenly breaks, and he’s spouting all words and no sense, pouring his heart out to the man who is so out of reach the closest they can be is through a phone, miles away.

“How will I live, Yunho? How, without anybody, without…” the bittersweet flavor of salt is suddenly resting on the corner of Jaejoong’s lips, and he drags his tongue to meet the taste as more come streaming down his cheeks.

“You,” Yunho finishes the sentence, and Jaejoong can’t help but cry.



Sometimes they leave their phones on speaker and lay them next to their beds, so it would be like the old days all over again.
“What’s it like, in New York?” Jaejoong asks, resting his head on a pillow, gazing at the phone beside him.

“Beautiful,” Yunho’s voice is hoarse and quiet, but it is the most wondrous thing Jaejoong has ever heard.

“There are lights everywhere, and tall buildings, and the people are so friendly. It’s lovely, Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong hums. “We should go together,” he says, and when he’s met by silence he wonders if the words should have ever been spoken at all.

“Maybe,” the answer comes, brief and subtle, but Jaejoong hears the longing in Yunho’s voice, and knows that there’s still hope somewhere.

“You should come see me, before I leave to South America.”

“Maybe,” Yunho says again, and Jaejoong doesn’t expect any more, or less. As long as Yunho is where he is now, nothing will ever be ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ for them; always maybe.




Yunho thinks it’s been more than an hour, of just whispers and breathing, but he doesn’t really mind. All of a sudden he is called inside by the staff, and the grip on his phone grows tighter.

“Just a moment,” he says to them, and Jaejoong responds with a tired hum from the other end.

“Yunho?”

“I’m sorry, I have to go…”

“Oh.” His voice is sad, so sad, and Yunho wishes he were beside him, to brush the hair out of his eyes and caress his cheek. To dance his fingertips on his pale skin, and whisper sweet nothings into the crook of his neck.

“I…” Yunho doesn’t know what to say anymore, because nothing is ever enough, even when all has been said.

“I love you,” Jaejoong finishes, and Yunho can hear his smile. He chuckles.

“Good luck,”

“I'm only going in a few months, we have time.”

I love you, Yunho suddenly thinks, I love you, I don’t want to lose you,

“I do too.” Jaejoong says, and Yunho loves how the other man knows what he’s thinking.

They hang up without another word, and Yunho walks back into the broadcasting building, meeting Changmin on the way. There isn’t disappointment in his eyes; instead, Yunho sees pity.




He doesn’t need it, though, because someday time is going to give in, and it’s going to allow them to meet again. And Yunho will hold Jaejoong’s hands and caress his face, sniffing the familiar scent of lilies and chocolate that Jaejoong always carries with him.

Yunho believes he will wait forever.



For now, though, everything is a "maybe".

Comments

( 4 Virtual Kisses — Send a Kiss? )
shinchul303
Feb. 16th, 2012 01:02 am (UTC)
NICE. The long distance telepathy...
dulanis
Feb. 16th, 2012 05:27 am (UTC)
So good. I love how you don't say much but says so much. :)
all_nostalgia
Feb. 16th, 2012 02:18 pm (UTC)
I CRIED. THIS IS TOTALLY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS. D:
tehah_hero
Feb. 16th, 2012 03:02 pm (UTC)
e___e ❤
( 4 Virtual Kisses — Send a Kiss? )

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